Yep - it's 35 days 'til Christmas, which is basically no time at all. I'm already getting excited, because I'm going to be skiing over Christmas, and then in Norway for the New Year, which means I'm essentially going to be having the most Christmassy Christmas ever, and that it's going to be AMAZING. So I'm writing about Christmas music, because... Well, because it's not all shite. And not everyone seems to know that.
First and foremost, the greatest Christmas song of all time - Fairytale of New York. It's got hope, it's got despair, it's got bitterness and bile, it's got the lyric "You cheap lousy faggot, merry Christmas yer arse - I pray God it's your last" - it's everything that's good and bad about Christmas wrapped up in a big drunk bow, and that's a wonderful thing.
Greatest Christmas album? Phil Spector's "A Christmas Gift For You" - the wall of sound has never sounded sparklier. Genuine Motown legends making Christmas glamorous and spectacular. It sounds like Christmas would sound in Back To The Future, which is two AMAZING things combined.
Or, if your taste is slightly more bourbon, then you can't beat "Christmas With The Rat Pack" - the sonic equivalent of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows in front of an open fire. Santa's coming, and he's bringing you old-fashioned toys made of wood.
If you're looking for a quirky Christmas, you can't go wrong with Sufjan Stevens' "Songs For Christmas". Every December since 2001 he's recorded a short CD of Christmassy tracks (traditional and of his own composition) for his nearest and dearest, and last year he put them in a box and let us buy them, which was very nice of him. They're lovely.
And then, of course, there's the Christmas tracks that you love to hate/hate to love: Paul McCartney, who in having 'A Wonderful Christmas Time' ironically ruins everyone else's, year in, year out; Slade, who quite rightly point out that 'It's Christmas' every year when it is, indeed, Christmas; Wizzard, who do that song that I can't remember but which is clearly bloody awful; and Cliff Richard, who despite banging on about God at every possible opportunity, when it comes to Jesus's birthday chooses instead to carp on about mistletoe and booze.
At the forefront of the seasonal travesty brigade though has to be Ronan "The Pretty One From Boyzone" Keating's re-imagining of 'Fairytale...', where he chooses to replace the aforementioned lyric with 'you're cheap and you're haggard', which is nothing short of blasphemy. If Shane MacGowan weren't too drunk to notice, I'm pretty sure he'd have gone round and sorted him out.
I would have linked to videos of the travesties, but I didn't want to. Deal with it.
This is, incidentally, a post for people who actually like Christmas - the 'Soundtrack To A Snowy Festival Of Hate And Bile' will be coming soon.
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